Wrap It Up 2020
November....The most recent thing I’ve learned, or learned to appreciate + practice more often is allowing myself to be a bit more available.
The last few months have been self health focused, managing and maintaining balance...so that good intentions don’t develop into unhealthy tendencies. Which can happen very easily and quickly. I love to lend myself to the aid of others, be what they need but this year, i realized when I’m feeling wounded or broken I’ll lend so much of myself i begin avoiding/escaping my own reality/responsibility/priorities... so I had to practice not be available for a while, choosing to be fully present and engaged in my life, my health, my work...
essentially, i had to rebuild boundaries I once practice with ease that hardships I'm unaccustomed to somehow tore down...but now I have slowly regained the ease of living happily with well established boundaries and have let myself become available so to speak with caution. I realized how necessary regaining comfort with boundaries was when i started letting others in because I enjoyed it more. I could do it without worrying I would leap into some poorly defined or unhealthy dynamic. I missed interacting with new people, impromptu conversations, expectation less encounters and it felt.. feels good to be operating that way again, like myself a year ago, hell 9 months ago..
Early December... I decided to go on a date in a city I don’t live in for a) something to do with the day and b) because I tested out hinge as a joke with a friend and got two decent people “matched” or whatever the equivalent is on the app. Anyways I’m so glad I did, and let me just say... yes I agreed to this date knowing I likely wouldn’t continue to see this person and had little interest in that idea anyway (I don’t even live in Austin!) sooo... there was this very nice freedom in just meeting a person to meet them and be social. Not only was it low pressure but it was a nice day to just be out and about with someone who has been nice enough in previous conversation to conclude they’re not creepy or an asshole.
Date started out in the park (as one does in Austin). We got coffees (decaf tea for me ) and he had his dog and we walked around for a while until finding a stopping place to sit and continue chatting. It was a bit awkward at first, he seemed formal, straight lace (these are not insults) and I worried I might be too silly which again fine. Worst thing to happen is the date ends and that isn’t bad because there is no real end goal anyway. Beautiful! So we sit and keep chatting and the ice eventually breaks when I get him to laugh about some shows and political views we share and things moved forward pretty smoothly. Like 3-4 hrs later smoothly.
Wind picked up and he asked if I had plans for the rest of the day.. I didn’t. Voila we now have plans to grab a bite together. So we walk back across downtown to drop his dog off and he changes clothes and then we go restaurant hunting. We walked in and checked menus of some pretty spectacular places but we landed on (thanks to him cause I know nothing) a rooftop spot a few blocks away.
Exhales. Y’all when I tell this place was so friggin cute and fancy (an affordable fancy) omg and the VIEW! Uh the restaurant was rooftop AND poolside. We Gras a great meal, got these really fun cocktails and just kept joking and joking as day faded to night. Woof. THE NIGHT ATX SKYLINE VIEW FROM THE ROOFTOP POOLSIDE RESTAURANT THOUGH! yea it was the night view for me... what a gorgeous sky and not to mention I’m laughing my ass off about all these stories he has of his childhood. One story was so funny I threatened to put it on a sweatshirt and he was okay with that which means.. yea you guessed it. I have a sweatshirt with the high school senior photo of a man I went on one increíble date with.
We moved from the restaurant to a fun tiki bar for one more drink before calling it a night. I think the coolest thing besides the actual all day date was saying goodbye was just goodbye to someone you enjoyed spending time with. Like hugging and saying see you around to a friend you met for lunch. No weird attempts at kissing or hand holding or saying strange fair wells. It was like the day had been low pressure, ready, light hearted, and human.
Best first + only date I’ve ever had. 10/10 recommend, friends.
Mid December... Nick tested positive for heartworms... a diagnosis Im still not certain I would have been informed of if I hadn’t called the vet that morning to double check what my balance would be for his shots and bath. I’m still a bit tight about that but right now I’m just sad. I cried all day wondering how I was going to get him the care he needed, my mind wandering to the worst case scenarios...
He wasn’t incredibly symptomatic but he had lost a lot of weight and was so tired. And anyone that has met him knows that the farthest thing from his typical energy/personality. Treatment of course will cost and arm and a leg. An arm and a leg I don’t have at the moment. On top of that he’s got the runs, and not the typical runs like something about it seemed worse and more concerning. I’m spinning... I can’t lose him, he’s my baby.
So when Nick got diagnosed with heart worms, I didn’t know much about it and was really scared about what that might mean for him and our home. I was not in a place financially to get him treated right away because the vet here wanted one payment up front for the whole treatment process [$$$$].
and he already didn’t look so great. I reached out to our old vet and asked them about everything. Not only did the doctor take time out to talk to me over the phone and go over everything, the staff told me about different resources to help with the cost that they accept and can do, and the total was I kid you not almost half of what the vet out here wanted to charge me.
So thanks to 82nd st vet clinic, Nick starts treatment TODAY! Not a month from now which is when I would be able to pay double the cost up front for the clinic here who (I might add) waited for ME to call them to tell me he was sick in the first place. Whatever.
God is good and now my Dog will be too.