In the Beginning...

I think I was supposed to move here. I don’t know. It seems crazy to feel that way almost immediately, and for reasons outside of why I was excited to come here for residency. It’s like upon touchdown and making my way about a bit, there was an overwhelming sense “you will feel at home here”…yes future tense… and from there, I decided to treat Albuquerque like my best and most explorative years in Houston. I just went out, figured let’s “see what we see”.

Something about finding where my favorite things are was almost too easy, and so was placing myself (unbeknownst to me) in the presence of locals that made me feel like I was talking to someone I knew. One open mic comedy night led to info about a karaoke night the next day, and between those two events I met two distinct and very special communities that welcomed me in with love and kindness and generosity! Like it was the most interesting and beautiful thing…

Don’t think I could have found better folks in my early days here… I really don’t.

The week of orientation is here, and I’m excited. I’ve met only two of future colleagues (on a hike) and I can’t wait to get to know the rest. I like our group chat vibe, it seems like we all want to be as helpful and supportive as we can of one another. There’s a shit ton of module assignments but think I’ll knock em out.

Fuck, I’m so tired… That screen time is so freakin brutal, but at least now I know I still have some evenings open to enjoy a bit more of ABQ before life gets crazy…

Just found out the board can’t “find me” in their system whatever TF that means, and I cant start onboarding or residency until this is resolved and my license is approved. Apparently it has to do with them not seeing my background check? Shit I took care of a month ago! Called the fingerprint company and they literally gave me the transaction number, registration number, confirmed they got my prints/did the background check and that prints were mailed to the board…even gave me the DATE the board received them! Shit is so wild.

Like it would be me smh

Communication has dropped. My prints expire in two days, so I will have to pay money to redo this whole license approval/ background check/prints process if I don’t get any correspondence or resolution in two days.

I could honestly scream, but I’m trying to focus on the idea that this is something that has to be resolved and that everyone wants to get resolved (I hope)… so deep breaths and moving forward, utilizing my weekend to stay on top of setting up all my work accounts, preparing as if nothing is happening and I will start residency this upcoming Tuesday..

I had  a good weekend, the best really. It’s Sunday and I’m tired but want to make the most of it, so I’m up. Got the animals squared away and hit the grocery store early. Came home and listened to music while I made my own version of hillbilly queso…
I got an urge to dance and do some intentional self/skin care, so I did…Two seconds after I’ve put the moisturizer on my face, last product of my face routine….skin glowing, looking good, eyes bright…and then, tears. MF TEARS!!!!! And they did not stop!

I was wracking my brain for what could have triggered this ordeal after such a chill morning…and an hour later, it became apparent tis was the first time I had really paused long enough to allow my body to release all the stress and frustration I put on hold regarding this license situation. And I kept crying on and off for most of the day. Every time I thought I was done, I was reminded how fragile I was by some mildly sentimental commercial sending me into a tearful fit. I made tea and watched my favorite Christmas movie (the family stone) with a friend that night… it was simple and comforting to be moody with company, and went to bed pretty early after that.

This week’s been long… I hate not starting, not working, but going through all the motions as if I get to. Honestly, it’s torture. I want to be in it so bad. I feel so removed from my group, from my work, my education…but I’m doing my due diligence, making calls, emailing, and figuring out how to get things back on track (by myself I might add) … which no shade, I know the office has been super busy with orientation for all interns but doesn’t mean I’m not feeling a little left in the wind…

Last night, I walked Nick kinda late cause it was nice out… we were moving slow, taking our time. I even stopped to admire some pretty flowers that grow nearby…Before I knew it,a dog had run up and I thought was going to sniff Nick, which would bother him regardless, so I’m restraining him so he doesn’t hurt the dog. Meanwhile owner of this other dog is struggling to get her dog despie me working my damndest to get Nick away but we are on a hill and there’s only so much space for me to go. The dog was actually biting at Nick and she still hasn’t managed to get her dog attached to a leash or held long enough for us to get away. Nick is literally being attacked, I’m getting hurt trying to restrain him, lost a shoe, phone went flying, and this girl barely gets a hold of her dog and sits there of breath. I’m screaming at her “please get your dog!! Please!!” …

She apologizes adamantly and repeatedly and gets her dog back to her apartment.

I get Nick back to our place, and check him out. At first I don’t see anything in the areas I remember the dog getting close to, then he starts licking at the inside of his leg, near his pelvis. I sit him down, and there was an open wound that just sent me into a panic mode. I was looking at soft tissue and it wasn’t actively bleeding but I lost it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so distraught.

The way it happened, the fact he had a wound at all, where the wound was, that I didn’t know where to take him, couldn’t afford to take him tbh…all of it had me freaking out… The boyfriend of the woman who had taken her dog out off leash, called me and apologized, offered to cover whatever care he might need.

​Today was spent at the vet ER… and I mean all day, like no food, running out of gas, phone about to die kind of time in that parking lot, while Nick was in there… It was the first time I hadn’t thought about residency stuff and it was singlehandedly the longest and most emotional 24 hrs I’ve had since I moved here…
 
It’s Friday now.